Marriage

"Your Grace, Your Grace, my lords, my ladies, you stand here in the sight of gods and men to witness the union of man and wife. One flesh, one heart, one soul... now and forever!"

- The High Septon

Marriage is a religious institution in which a man and a woman take vows that allow them to cohabitate, engage in sexual relations and reproduce.

In case of members of noble families, marriages are almost always arranged by the heads of the houses and often seal political alliances. Marriage make both noble families kin, thus obligating each other to provide military aid in case of wars or aggressions from other noble families. If a marriage pact involves children, the marriage, or at least the consummation, is postponed until the boy comes of age or the girl has experienced her flowering.

While marriages between first cousins are allowed, marriages between brother and sister are forbidden. The Faith of the Seven, however, turned a blind eye to the incestuous practices of House Targaryen in exchange for their support and defense of the institition.

Historically, some marriages signaled the adoption of an independent kingdom under the authority of another one. Such was the case of the marriage of a King in the North with the daughter of the last Marsh King, which brought the Neck into the Kingdom of the North, or the marriages of Daeron II Targaryen with Myriah Martell and Maron Martell with Daenerys Targaryen, which brought Dorne under the authority of the Iron Throne.

Ceremony and customs
Marriage ceremonies may vary depending on the religion.

The Faith of the Seven
In the case of the Faith of the Seven the ceremony is conducted by a septon. The bridegroom puts a cloak in his family colors over the bride, symbolically bringing her under his protection and into his house. The septon may then welcomes the attendees to witness the union of man and as "one flesh, one heart, one soul" for the rest of their lives. Sometimes while he speaks the words binding man and wife for eternity he will wrap a strip of cloth to join the hands of bride and bridegroom, symbolizing their union. They are then instructed to look upon each other and say the following words at unison:

"Father, Smith, Warrior, Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger. I am hers/his and she/he is mine, from this day until the end of my days".

Afterward the newlyweds may kiss one another.

Following the ceremony, a feast is held for all attendees. After some time, the traditional bedding ceremony may take place and the newlyweds are carried to the marriage bed to spend the night together. The feast continues for the guests.

Sometimes a couple who wish to marry for love but are forced by marriage pacts to marry another or wish to marry against their family's wishes may perform secret weddings. These are still lawful, and only require, in case of the Faith of the Seven, a septon to perform the ceremony and the couple to speak their vows.

The Old Gods of the Forest
In the North, where the Old Gods still hold sway, there is no clergy so the wedding ceremony is officiated by the groom and bride's fathers or kin (usually brothers but it can also be a ward of their family).

A ritual is conducted at night during which the bride is led to the weirwood tree in the heart of the Godswood which is lit by candles, where the groom's father demands who comes before the Old Gods. The bride's father presents his daughter who comes to beg the blessing of the Gods for her marriage before asking who comes to claim her:

The groom steps forward and stakes his claim before asking who gives his bride away. Once the bride's father has introduced himself, the groom's father asks whether the bride will take his son as a husband. Once the bride agrees, the wedding is done:

Sansa Stark was wed to Ramsay Bolton in such a ceremony. Since her father and brothers were all thought to be dead, Theon Greyjoy, who had been Lord Stark's ward, gave her away while Lord Roose Bolton, Ramsay's father, officiated the ceremony.

Wed before the TV series

 * Tywin Lannister and Joanna Lannister, cousins who married out of love.
 * Eddard Stark and Catelyn Tully, bound to marry after Catelyn's first betrothed, Brandon Stark was executed by the Mad King.
 * Jon Arryn and Lysa Tully; along with Eddard and Catelyn's wedding, this marriage sealed the alliance of the houses in rebellion against the Mad King.
 * Robert Baratheon and Cersei Lannister, this marriage cemented the support of House Lannister to the new King.
 * Stannis Baratheon and Selyse Florent, carried out before Robert's Rebellion. Helped cement the support of House Florent to Stannis' claim to the Iron Throne following the death of Renly.
 * Tyrion Lannister and Tysha, a secret wedding carried out by a drunk septon. Forcibly annulled by Lord Tywin, who revealed that Tysha was just a whore, and ordered his guards to gang-rape her, before sending her away.

Wed during the TV series

 * Khal Drogo and Daenerys Targaryen, arranged by Illyrio Mopatis to secure an army for Viserys Targaryen's return to the Seven Kingdoms. Ended with Drogo's incapacitation and mercy killing by Daenerys herself.
 * Renly Baratheon and Margaery Tyrell, cementing House Tyrell's support for Renly's claim to the Iron Throne. Went unconsummated before Renly was assassinated.
 * Robb Stark and Talisa Maegyr, secretly married for love, breaking the marriage pact between House Stark and House Frey and ultimately leading to the Red Wedding.
 * Tyrion Lannister and Sansa Stark, arranged and forced by Tywin Lannister to provide House Lannister with power over Winterfell and the North through Sansa's claim. Unconsummated.
 * Roose Bolton and Fat Walda Frey; Bolton chose her when Walder Frey offered him any of his grandaughters in marriage; with the bride's weight in silver as dowry. Bolton chose the fattest girl.
 * Edmure Tully and Roslin Frey, arranged by Robb Stark with Lothar and Black Walder Frey on behalf of Lord Walder Frey to amend the Stark-Frey alliance. Led to the Red Wedding.
 * Joffrey Baratheon and Margaery Tyrell, arranged by Petyr Baelish to cement the Lannister-Tyrell alliance. Breaks the bethrothal of Joffrey with Sansa Stark that had been arranged by the late King Robert. Unconsummated because of Joffrey's death at the wedding feast.
 * Petyr Baelish and the widowed Lysa Arryn. The marriage was meant to bring the Vale back under the authority of the Iron Throne, as House Arryn had remained neutral in the War of the Five Kings, and to make Petyr the Lord Protector of the Vale. The marriage lasts only a fortnight, as Petyr murders Lysa.
 * Tommen Baratheon and Margaery Tyrell, arranged by Tywin Lannister and Mace Tyrell to secure the Lannister-Tyrell alliance following the death of King Joffrey.
 * Ramsay Bolton and Sansa Stark, arranged by Petyr Baelish and Roose Bolton to cement the hold of House Bolton over the North, where loyalty to House Stark runs deep and ancient. This marriage is considered lawful because Sansa's previous marriage was never consummated - though it can be construed as bigamous and non-binding, given that while Sansa's previous marriage to Tyrion can easily be annulled, it hasn't been officially annulled yet.

In the books
Marriage is presented as a cultural universal in the A Song of Ice and Fire novels: every culture across the known world has some version of it. How each culture defines marriage, however, can vary considerably, i.e., some cultures practice polygamous marriages but others do not.

None of the known cultures in the novels has ever been described as practicing some form of same-sex marriage - though little has been said about cultures outside of Westeros, and hardly any specific detail is known about the cultures east of the Bone Mountains (east of the Dothraki and Qarth) or the southern regions of Sothoryos. Marriages are rarely made for love in Westeros, however, but to secure political alliances - and it is generally understood that a man's closest friends will be other men, not his wife. Thus while "homosexual marriage" doesn't exist in Westeros, "homosocial relationships" are by far the norm. For example, the person that Robert Baratheon "loved" most in the world was his lifelong friend and brother-in-arms Eddard Stark, while Robert's arranged marriage to his wife Queen Cersei was filled with mutual hatred and resentment. Somewhat similarly, Robert's youngest brother Renly Baratheon entered into a marriage with Margaery Tyrell purely to secure a political alliance with her family, not for love - when in fact he was privately homosexual, and had been in a long term sexual/romantic relationship with Margaery's own brother Loras Tyrell (which Margaery was actually fully aware of and didn't mind). Publicly, while the exact nature of Renly and Loras's relationship is a secret, the fact that Renly openly seems to have a closer relationship with Loras than with his own wife Margaery isn't seen as very unusual.

In real life
Marriage is a socially recognized union between people that establishes rights and obligations between them and their children. While in a broad sense "marriage" of some kind is a cultural universal found in all human societies throughout history, the exact definitions of "marriage", like conceptions about sexuality as a whole, have varied considerably across different cultures and within the same cultures across time (i.e. some cultures practice polygamous marriages, others do not). Even in Christian Western Europe, strictly speaking, from the fourth to twenty-first centuries there has never been one "traditional" definition of marriage, the definition changed every three or four centuries.

Prior to the year 1000 marriage in Europe was largely a contractual arrangement made by two families to link them together, for political alliance and transfer of property. A son from one family married the daughter from another: ostensibly, the wife would only have procreative sex with her husband and thus marriage confirmed that all of her children were fathered by her husband - which made them "legitimate", confirmed heirs, capable of inheriting his family's property. Men, however, often kept several long-term concubines alongside their wives, who often had official status and certain legal rights. A social/emotional or spiritual union between the husband and wife was not expected, and religious overtones were minimal.

The definition of "marriage", and standards about sexuality in general, in the real-life Middle Ages were drastically changed by the Gregorian Reform movement within the Christian Church after the year 1000. The reformers enforced clerical celibacy (which had not been practiced in the first 1,000 years of Christianity) to lessen the control of political dynasties over powerful Church offices. Thus "marriage" was redefined again to be something the clergy couldn't do. This led to the Church propagating the view that the celibate life was the ideal mode of living, and sex among non-clergy was only permissible within marriage, exclusively for the necessary evil of producing children. Marriage among the non-clergy was redefined as "monogamous, indissoluble...a relationship in which sexual intercourse could give rise to children who could inherit property."

At the same time, the Church reformers started attempting to infuse spiritual values into marriage, redefining it as not simply a social contract but a profound religious/spiritual  union. They propagated for the first time the view that marriage was a holy vow that had to be actively consented to by both persons:  to be sure, many families still forced their daughters to "consent" to political marriages, but they never would have bothered to pay this token lip-service to the idea of consent during the pre-Christian Roman era.

In Game of Thrones Season 3 episode 6 "The Climb", Edmure Tully complains that he can't be forced to enter into a marriage-alliance with a Frey girl, because a man cannot be forced to take holy vows without his consent - which is a reference to this concept. In the TV version his uncle Brynden simply threatens to punch him if he refuses, but in the book version, Brynden more politely urges that while he's one of the last men who should be giving such a command (given that he refused his own brother Hoster's command to enter into an arranged marriage), Edmure must go through with it because they desperately need to repair their alliance with the Freys. Sansa Stark and Tyrion Lannister are also forced to marry each other against their wills (particularly, Sansa, a captive of the Lannisters), but they still make her go through the token gesture of saying "yes" during the marriage ceremony. Even in the late Middle Ages, marriages were rarely made for love, but to secure political alliances and rights to property:


 * "Marriage in the Middle Ages was not an affirmation and official recognition of love between two people as much as it was the establishment of a legal unit which legitimized children and facilitated the transfer of property from one family to another and one generation to another."

The Gregorian Reforms of the eleventh century not only resulted in a celibate priesthood, but succeeded in making a politically stronger clergy not dominated by the nobility, who could in time pressure the aristocracy to accept their moral dictates. The Catholic Church began to redefine marriage by placing limits on incestuous marriage between cousins of a certain degree (see the main article on "Incest"). Where once a man could marry his first cousin, he now could not marry his third cousin or any closer relation. It is theorized that the Church put limits on incestuous marriages within certain degrees because it often led to civil wars within families, as it left the succession order muddled.

Attitudes about marriage changed somewhat after the Black Death devastated Europe starting in 1346, which killed over a third of the population. For the first time there was a massive labor shortage, with not enough peasants to work the fields and feed the towns and cities. While the Church used to espouse that marriage was distant second to choosing a life of celibacy, after the plague Church sermons began praising and valorizing marriage as also a worthy state of living, to encourage the commoners to produce more children. Westeros's analogue of the Black Death was the Great Spring Sickness, a major plague that broke out about 90 years before the events of the main novels: the plague strikes right after the first of the Tales of Dunk and Egg prequel novellas, and thus the bulk of their stories take place in the plague's aftermath. The massive depopulation caused by the plague may have had a similar effect on attitudes about marriage in Westeros.